


All The Shine From a Thousand Spotlights

by SparklingFerret



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Gamer Kozume Kenma, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pro Gamer Kozume Kenma, Social Media, Unrequited Love, YouTuber Kozume Kenma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:14:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26835031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparklingFerret/pseuds/SparklingFerret
Summary: Kenma falls in love with his best friend whom is also his FWB. Kuroo ends their deal when he gets a girlfriend, and Kenma is left broken-hearted. Now feeling lost and alone, he has to pick up the pieces of his heart and try to glue them back together, while also maintaining his Youtube career and college studies.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 29





	All The Shine From a Thousand Spotlights

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya, this fanfic was born out of several different sad KuroKen tiktoks, and I'm really psyched to have finished this first chapter and gotten it out in the world! I don't currently have a beta, so all the mistakes are mine. If you find any mistakes, then please consider messaging me the location of them. :))
> 
> I hope you all like it, and thanks for checking it out <3

“..damn!”

He let go of Kenma’s leg as he slid out and fell to the side.

The way he flopped back down on his back was the same ungraceful way as always. It was oddly comforting and made a giddy feeling bubble in the bottom of Kenma’s stomach. What was it about this guy that he just couldn’t get enough of?

Kenma laid there for a minute, trying to catch his breath, just listening to the other’s heavy puffs of air. Turning his head slightly to the left and up so he could see the other’s face, he let a small smile show. Kuroo’s eyes were closed and his hair was even more ruffled than usual. Based on the euphoric expression he was wearing, one would be led to believe he was still on cloud nine, but Kenma knew better. He was already on the way down.

How was it possible to fall in love with him anew each time he saw that dumb face?

Soon after, though, the soreness returned in Kenma’s nether region as it always did, and he just knew this achy feeling would stay with him for days. Kenma felt like blushing all over just at the thought, but, circumstances considered, he was probably already flushed all the way down his chest.

Kenma closed his eyes as he rolled over onto his stomach, so he could rest his head in his crossed arms. He just wanted to rest in the comfortable energy of the room, forgetting all about the outside world and their relationship out there.

Humming a gentle melody to himself, he lifted his leg and shifted it to lay over Kuroo’s own. Waiting to see what he’d do.

This was unusual of him, he knew. Kuroo might seem like a very touchy-feely person in public and with their friends, but here, just the two of them in this situation he always acted distant. Kenma quite honestly didn’t know why, but perhaps Kuroo thought it might otherwise ruin their friendship. Kenma didn’t think that the possibility was likely, but he hadn’t instigated any close skin connection after their sessions before either.

This time, though, he hoped it would change. He wanted Kuroo for himself, and he wanted it to be public knowledge so that all the fangirls would know to keep away from what was already marked.

He was almost positive Kuroo felt the same. Lately, he’d been especially close to Kenma when they were out with others. Always a hand on or near him, if he wasn’t outright leaning on him already. He’d teased him a lot too, and just the thought of their banter made Kenma giggle softly.

Come to think of it, Kuroo had been especially rough this session too, hadn’t he? Kenma definitely felt more out of breath than usual and his buttom seemed to sting way more than it usually did. Maybe this was the moment they’d both been waiting for, the moment either one of them would say the words Kenma had longed to hear for months already, if not years considering their history together.

But perhaps, he shouldn’t have done anything anyways. He shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up.

“Hey, Puddin’?”

“What is it, Kuro?”

Even though it had started as a joke, Kenma loved the nickname now.

A heavy breath, not unlike a sigh actually, escaped Kuroo’s lips. It made Kenma open his eyes and lift his gaze to Kuroo’s face again.

Sighs like that were never good when it came from Kuroo.

“You know,” He paused, perhaps to gather his thoughts?

“This… it’s been nice and all. Very satisfying actually. But,”

_Fuck, not this. Please, don’t do this, Tetsu._

Kenma felt like crying so he closed his eyes again. How could he have been so stupid…

“But we can’t actually do this anymore. You see, I have a girlfriend now, so we’ll have to stop this,” Kuroo said. He sounded the same as usual, and Kenma had to wonder if this was in fact just another everyday-event to him. “I actually wasn’t gonna say it, but it seems right towards her to stop this between us for as long as this relationship lasts.”

And there it was. Kenma and whatever this between them was, what they had, didn’t actually mean anything to Kuroo. Kenma had just been something to bide his time on, satisfy his needs and distract him from the daily struggles of chemistry in university.

Kenma kept his eyes shut tightly, burying his face into the pillow he’d just stolen from near the headboard. He attempted to stifle the subtle shakes he felt his body regressing to, though he wasn’t quite sure how successful he was in that regard. Drawing a slightly shaky breath into his lungs, he tried to capture his voice once more, hoping it wouldn’t break. “Y-yea-,” his voice cracked, not by much but it was definitely noticeable. “Yeah, Kuro, that’s fine of course. It’s best that she doesn’t find out, right?”

He lifted his head to look at his childhood friend, the one he’d fallen for and, at the same time, the one who’d just broken his heart. “Thanks, Puddin’! I’m glad you see it from my perspective - it makes this a lot easier for me.” Kuroo beamed his usual lopsided smile at Kenma, and _god_ how he hated having that aimed at him right now.

But, nevertheless, he would endure it. It was better than mocking or looks of displeasure.

~*~

Once Kuroo had gathered his clothes and taken a quick shower at Kenma’s place, he was already on his way out. Not even noticing the way Kenma was slowly breaking from the inside out. Or, perhaps, he simply hadn’t cared. At this point, Kenma wouldn’t be entirely surprised if that were the case.

“Bye!” the tall blocker called out just before closing the door.

Kenma, head still buried in the pillow he’d drowned his tears in, sighed before heaving himself up in a sitting position. He threw his hands up to slowly drag down over his eyes, before sighing again.

Looking out, he spotted his underwear thrown over his gaming chair by the desk.

He got off the bed, went over and clothed himself in them, before spotting the piece of clothing he’d carelessly left on the seat of the chair that morning. It was a purple oversized hoodie. Extra oversized on him, considering it was one he’d loaned from Kuroo a couple months ago. He reached out to grab the hoodie and lifted it up to his nose to search out any lingering smell of Kuroo’s cologne. Of course, none was left. Not really surprising, considering he’d already washed it a couple times since he’d hoarded it.

The reminder of it, though, slightly soothed his nerves, so he decided to pull it over his head to wear it. It was definitely too big for him. His knees didn’t even stick out from underneath the rim, and his arms were a hand and a half too short to fit. Nonetheless, though, he loved the feeling of it. Like this, he’d be able to curl up in a fetal position inside it, without having to bother with the outside world.

He didn’t do that though. Instead, he went through the door into the kitchen-dining room, and further past that towards the front door. Reaching out, he placed his hand on the lock, which he discovered was still unlocked.

_This is it_ , he thought. _This is the moment that cements my decision regarding Kuroo. If i lock this door right now…_

He twists softly, and--

**_Click_ **… there.

... _Then I’m not letting him back into my life to hurt me like that again_.

And that was his final decision.

~*~

**ImbaJoubish56**

Woooaaahh is this for real?? Kodzu rarely ever play games from the 90’s! So excited!!

**KodzuNoticeMEH**

OMG OMG OMG KEEP CALM EVERYONE THIS IS NOT A DRILL I REPEAT NOT A DRILL--

**NekoChan~**

lmao that’s gonna be sooo funnnn. wonder if anyones joining him tho~~

**AV879GHS**

ABSJLK KODZUKEN IS SO COOL ISTG, NO ONE ELSE IS LIKE HIM

**losersayswhat**

@NekoChan~ oouhhh that would be interesting! Not sure if I’m hoping for Shouyou or Lev, though XP

**Akira-kun78**

Soooo exciteddddd

**NekoChan~**

@losersayswhat LMAOOO YEAH I DONT KNOW IF I WANT WHOLESOME KENMA OR SAVAGE KENMA - EITHER WOULD BE GOOD XDD

(...)

~*~

_Once the video is posted at the expected time, it gets flooded with views almost instantly. Kenma generally tried every game he could get his hands on at least once, and as a result he’d gained a very big following. He accommodated every taste, as opposed to many of his fellow youtube gamers. It was also the reason why, at age 19, his following had started increasing, until he’d reached his current max. Now, at age 22, he had 21.3M subscribers on youtube and 13.4 followers on twitter._

_The video opened up to his classic intro with the calico cat yawning before lazily walking a few steps across the red background of the screen and flumping down heavily, causing his tagname_ KodzukenGaming _to pop up in yellow behind the cat. It had only been tweaked slightly over the years to make the animation smoother. His followers loved it, and called it cute all the time._

_The intro faded out, and Kenma sitting in his gaming chair with his headphones around his neck was shown. He was wearing a rather cute purple oversized hoodie with two cats “_ nya~ _”-ing at each other on it. His pants weren’t visible, as they were hidden underneath the edge of the table._

_“Hi there, my faithful Kodzues. As you probably read from my twitter, this time around I’ll be playing Super Mario 64. Of course on the pc, so it’s easy for you to follow too.” Here he gave a soft smile, and already a lot of people had commented on it. He rarely smiled a lot, so each one was cherished and commented one. Some accounts had even made “_ Kodzuken smiling _”-compilations, and they often got a lot of views and attention._

_He glanced at his computer screen located somewhere to the left of the camera, presumably to prepare the transition to screen view. “We won’t be joined by any special guests today, as I wanted to play this game in the same way i did when i got it in 2002. Which is alone and without distractions,” here he rolled his eyes fondly._

_He turned his face back to the camera. “Unfortunately, it takes a lot of time to finish this game, approximately 8-9 hours if i rush it, so i’ll be breaking this up in 8 or 9 parts of around 1 hour each. Sorry for the trouble, but they’re all already recorded and I’ll be posting the parts every third day,” he quickly pressed a button and the screen view of the computer game popped up with him in the middle of the left side._

_“Without further ado, let’s begin.”_

~*~

After having the video posted for around 4 hours, he checked the comments and began answering some of them. The video had already gained 13.7M views and had quickly become one of his most watched videos in the shortest amount of time.

How funny, considering he wouldn’t be making that much content in the following months.

He wanted to make his subscribers happy, but over the years, and especially recently, he’d learned that he had to take time off for himself. He shouldn’t just bend to everybody’s will, and he definitely shouldn’t at the moment, when he needed time away to find out who he was on his own. By himself. He wasn’t sure how he would go about achieving that, considering he’d had Kuroo at his side to guide him ever since they’d been little. But he supposed it was a part of growing up, however late in his life he was doing that.

He wouldn’t be a pushover any longer.

He would get himself together, collect his broken feelings and walk out stronger than before.

And he’d do it alone.

…

_What a scary thought._

~*~

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope this lived up to the summary and tags! Thank you so much for reading it!! <3


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